Panic on the trail....

I've noticed in life that there are a few things that will make you stop dead in your tracks and cause you to panic. Things such as, "Did I remember to turn off the iron? Is that gas I smell?" or the panic of the walk to your mailbox in August when you know that your electric bill just arrived. It's much like I imagine the walk of a condemned inmate would stroll to the death chamber.

On Tuesday night however, I started down the street for what has become my nightly walk. I've decided over the past few days to exercise and get into shape. However, I do consider myself in shape, but somehow a triangle is not acceptable.

Anyway, I turned and started on the walking trail behind our street. As I walked, a lady jogger passed me on the left. I nodded a hello to her and she returned the favor and she continued on. I never really imagined that our paths would cross again.
Up ahead of her a lady was about 100 yards from me coming in our direction. Attached to a leash on her side was a little dog. So small, that I can only assume it ran on batteries. Not a big dog. As the two closed in on each other, they both stopped in a scream.
I thought to myself, "is this woman so afraid of dogs that she actually screamed at that dog??

As I got closer, I looked down and noticed just what it was, that had stopped all time as we know it. There it was, all four feet of the most evil creature that I had ever laid my eyes on.......a snake.

A snake? In our neighborhood? It states right here in our deed restrictions "No snakes!" It's like I told Suzanne(my beautiful trophy wife) when we moved in. "I know that our homeowners fees are expensive, but look.....no snakes!"

Both ladies looked at me. I guess they thought that I had some kind of answer. All of those days back in cub scouts, I never actually thought that I would see a snake. I don't remember a merit badge that had anything to do with wrestling a snake. In fact, if there was a badge called "Run like a little girl from a snake" badge I'm sure that I would of had several.

So there I was. I could either run home screaming(as I wanted to do), or I could show my bravery and shield these helpless women folk from this monster.
Then, all of a sudden, the five year old inside of me took over and said, "let's just mess with it."
I thought that maybe if I picked up a rock and threw it at it, it would slither away into the woods, and I'm sure, that they would award me some type of bravery medal.

So I picked a rock, took careful aim, and launched it. I managed to bounce the rock about a half a foot to the left of the snake. It raised its head and looked right at me as if to say, "Hey man, what is your problem? Did you just throw a rock at me?

Now, I've seen many episodes of the Crocodile Hunter. I know that if I was Steve Irwin, I would run up to the snake's tail, grab it, fling it into the air, and then kick it right off into the woods.
But guess what? I'm not Steve Irwin.

I picked up another rock, and managed to hit it right on the tail. Once again, it looked at me. But this time, it slithered off into the grass slowly. Almost as if it was saying "OK, I get it, I get it......"

Yes, that's right, I saved the day. What did I get for my heroic action, you ask? Accolades, an citation from the Mayor? A tearful thank you from those affected? No, everyone just turned and went on about their business.
I, on the otherhand, went home and put on a fresh pair of undies.

Now I don't exactly know my types of snakes, and I don't really care to, either. But, when I recall this story later on to my children, I actually think that it may have been a King Cobra.