How much do I need.....

There it was. Right there on the computer screen. Suzanne had alerted me to it. Staring right back at us on the credit card website were several unauthorized charges.
Unless Suzanne had snuck out one night to go fill the minivan up with gas, twice, in Round Rock, I knew that someone had stolen her credit card number.

After we called and canceled her card, I remembered an advertisement that I had heard for one of those identity theft insurance companies. The next day I signed up. I hate to spend money, so I went with the economy plan. It's actually a guy named Chuck who works in the back of a massage parlor. You just give him your social security number, checking account numbers, birthday, passport, etc. and he takes care of the rest.

Then I started thinking. We now seem to have an insurance policy for everything. We have health insurance, life insurance, home owners insurance, car insurance, and dental insurance, just to name a few.

In addition, because we need more insurance, Suzanne and I have insurance on our computers, just in case that they die and we need to retrieve all of the files that can't be lost. The other day, I was talked into cell phone insurance, because my phone could be lost some day and I would lose all of my contacts that are located in it.

Did I mention the home warranty(insurance) that I have on all of the major appliances in our home? You don't want to pay full retail for an AC unit, or a broken toilet.

Then there is the commercial on tv for supplemental insurance. I think that I might have to invest in some of that even though I don't quite know what it is. All I know is that it comes with a talking duck that seems to pay the bills.
Am I going to have to insure the duck as well? Veterinarian bills aren't cheap you know.

What else can I get insurance on? How about the "Don't say anything stupid to your wife" insurance? This would insure that I would never spend a night on the sofa. There is also room in the policy to submit birthdays, anniversaries, etc. to keep you out of trouble. Of course, that would be an add on charge.

Similar to that, is the "Foot in your mouth" insurance. Much the same as the above insurance, except that this would apply to friends and family. Never again would you be at a family outing, or a friend's party and shout out something that quiets the room, and embarrasses your wife.

Another idea I have is "hair insurance." Every day I look in the mirror, and I find that my troops have retreated just a little more. They're fighting an admirable battle, but they just can't hold their ground. For just a little money each month, I could keep a full head of thick, lustrous hair.

These are just a few ideas that I have. Because it seems, with every great idea and innovation, five minutes behind is a guy wanting to offer you some way to prevent disaster.

Just like when the caveman invented the wheel. He was showing if off to the neighbors when it rolled down the hill, crashed into a tree, and busted into tiny fragments. Once he realized the replacement cost for another wheel, the first insurance policy was born.