Time for Christmas TV

Within the next couple of weeks, we will all get tuned up for Christmas(yes, I said it). Along with the normal festivities of this time of year, come the annual Christmas specials on television. You know the ones that I am talking about. The classic stop animation series from the 1960's such as: Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, The Year Without a Santa Claus, and of course Frosty the Snowman and A Charlie Brown Christmas.

I will probably try to gather the kids up and put them in front of the tv and re-create the excitement that I had as a kid. But with most events in our house, they will usually start fighting, and someone will end up crying. They just don't "get it" like I do because even though I am 42 years old, when those shows come on, I travel back in time to when I was 6 years old all over again.

That year would have been 1973. It was back in the day, as a youngster, when you spent 11 months out of the year dreaming about Christmas, and one month thinking that time was just standing still. Christmas would just never, ever get here.

I think about our old house on Cedar Creek, and how my mother would have called me in from playing in the front yard with friends on the street. I would have eaten dinner, taken a bath, and then sat down in front of the television in anticipation of the big event. In just a few mere moments, Santa and Rudolph were going to be right in front of me. This was excitement!

Our old tv was sitting on four wooden legs, and was probably I would imagine about 19" or less in screen size. Also, if you wanted color on the set, you would have to turn it on let it warm up for about twenty minutes. The programs would be in black and white until the "tube" warmed up, and then pop, there goes your color.
For the next twenty minutes, I would be wrapped up in all of the goings on at the North Pole.

The next day at school, the "buzz" that would have filled the classroom was about how Rudolph got away from the Abomimable Snowman or how Charlie Brown saved the Christmas pageant. I also remember that Charlie Brown was "sponsored in part by your friends at Dolly Madison."
I didn't even know what Dolly Madison was back then, but it must have worked since I remember it to this day.

These were the days before VCR's, video tapes, DVD's, etc.
There was no way to save a program. If you missed it, then you had to wait a whole year for the show to come back on. These programs were set in the calender way ahead of time. Once they advertised it on the network, plans were set in stone to work around the special show.

I remember once, that my mother and I were shopping the Galleria, and I was going to have to miss one of the Christmas specials. While we were in Joske's, we passed by the tv department. She let me sit in front of one of the sets, and watch Frosty. She even asked the salesman if that was alright. She then continued on across the store to finish up.
At that time, no one thought twice about leaving me in the store alone. I could not imagine letting one of my kids do that today, but it was ok. back then.

It's funny that these same shows that we used to watch when we were kids, are now the ones that our kids are watching. New Christmas shows come on every year, but they don't seem to have the staying power that the old classics do. I'm sorry, but I don't recall seeing shows like "The New Kids on the Block save Santa," or the "Duran Duran Holiday spectacular" showing up in my tv guide.

What is it, about these shows that keeps them on the air? I think that they are timeless. For most of us, we have very fond memories of Christmas when we were kids. Unique traditions, friends and family, cold weather, etc.
Somehow these shows, at least when I watch them, transport me back to a magical time when I was just a little boy siting Indian style on the floor, with my loyal dog Jet by my side, thinking about what that fat man in the red suit was going to bring down the chimney.

Why do I watch these shows??

The temptation starts around 8:00 on Tuesday nights. I know in the back of my mind I should avoid it, but still that little voice in the back of my head tells me that it is no big deal. Nothing will happen. After all, it's just a tv show. Do I dare watch? Will my wife find out?
What do I do? So many questions.

What show would it be, you might be asking yourself. An adult movie perhaps? No, not quite. It's a little show that comes on Tuesday nights on Discovery channel called "Ghost Lab."

Ghost Lab follows two brothers from San Antonio, across the country in their pursuit of "paranormal activity." That's just a fancy word for things that go bump in the night. We're not talking about those cute little ghosts that you would draw in the first grade around this time of year, or the Halloween costume that required you to cut out holes in your mother's good sheets either. No, we're talking the ones that suffered through big time trauma in this life, and they keep repeating it in the hereafter. You know, lighthearted things like murder, suicide, torture, etc.

After the first five minutes of the show, I know that I should be reaching for the remote, but something keeps drawing me in. Maybe it's the promo. that basically says, "When we come back, we're really going to show you something scary!" It's at that moment that the little voice inside of me says, "Ok, if you don't turn it off now, you're on your own, I'm done."
But there I sit, waiting for the show to come back from commercials.

Sure enough, after the commercials, the investigative team goes into the house or building and sets up all of their cameras, monitors, recorders, etc., and then the fun begins.
They wait for darkness, and then go into the rooms where "activity" has been known to exist and break, what I think, is the number one rule of dealing with ghosts. They start to provoke the entity. They say things like "You're not so tough! Why don't you do something to let us know that you are here. Touch me. Is that all you got?"

Now, I watched a lot of Scooby Doo when I was a kid, so I learned a few things from that show. Number one: Always run from ghosts, and number two: It's always some old man behind a curtain scaring it all up.
But in this show, it all seems real.

For example, last week they traveled to New Orleans to visit a funeral home that was closed some years ago, but has a haunted history, and also was a refuge for some during hurricane Katrina. Allegedly, a young woman named Sara, had found shelter there during the storm, and had overdosed on heroin. And, wouldn't you know, her spirit is still in that room.
The ghost seekers then went in late that night and talked to Sara until they got a reaction from her. They were not very nice to her, and if I were there at the time, I would have been able to run all of the way from New Orleans to Houston in under twenty minutes.

The next part of the show is back in the lab and they put all of the evidence together. It can sometimes be a hazy picture of the spirit, or what is even scarier, are voices on tape. I don't know what it is about those voices, but at that point, I'm paralyzed with fear. A few moments later, the show ends, and oh yea, now it is time to go to bed.

Now to answer the question from the top of why I don't want my wife to find out that I am watching this show. That's an easy answer. Because she knows that I won't be able to sleep. That night, I will hear every creak, and every sound in the house. I never knew that the sound of the ice maker dropping ice could make me sit up straight in bed. And if one of the kids cries in the middle of the night, every light in our house will be turned on. In fact, at the end of the month, my electric company sends me a note reminding me that Ghost Lab is all new this week.

Once I was so scared, that my five year old daughter Lindy, had to come downstairs and convince me that there wasn't a monster under our bed. She then kissed me on the forehead and told me that everything was alright, and that if I needed her, she would be right upstairs.

However, at times like these I think about something that a preacher said to me long ago. He said that he doesn't think that Heaven is some far off place above the clouds. He believes that Heaven is all around us, and that those who have gone before us are by our side helping us and cheering us on. That's a beautiful thought and also very reassuring.
But I have to say, that if you are one of my friends or relatives that have passed away, please don't make an appearance, you'll scare me to death!

Thanksgiving Needs Better Marketing

Most kids like to go to Disney World, Six Flags, Water world, or possibly Sea World for entertainment. Our kids, however, are a little different. They like to visit the local neighborhood Lowe's.
Last Saturday as it became apparent that I was not going to be able to continue to sit in front of the television and watch endless hours of Whatever U. vs Whatever U. football game was on, we had to do something. The kids were playing their favorite game of "Let's throw random things down the stairs," and it was just time to go.....somewhere.

We had already decided to take the family out to dinner, but since it was only 3:30, Suzanne my beautiful wife, and I knew that sitting in a restaurant that long with three kids is just not a good idea.

Here's a random question: Parents, have you ever just put your kids in the car, backed out of the driveway, and then decided where you were going to go? Well, we did just that.
I knew that I needed a couple of things from Lowe's for the yard, so guess what? Off to Lowe's we went.

Once inside, we discovered a magical, virtual winter wonderland. The entire front section of the store were made of Snowmen, elves, and reindeer. They even had Santa floating in an inflatable helicopter. Apparently, times are good enough at the North Pole that he could upgrade his mode of transportation.
Why, they have even captured the site of our saviors birth, in an inflatable. Somehow, I never before imagined Jesus with an air inlet attached to his big toe, but hey, this is marketing.

That however, was not the show stopper for the Millender family. The best of all, were the giant inflatable M&M's that were next to it. And then I remembered the Bible verse of "from out of the West came the three wise men, bearing gifts of Gold, Frankensense, and peanut M&M's."

In the midst of this Christmas extravaganza and off to the side, were the two left over Halloween decorations. One life size scary witch, and one giant ghost. As I looked closer, I could swear the old witch had a tear in her eye. Although it was only the first week in October, it was apparent that her 15 minutes of fame were up, but she just kept hanging on. Much like Kate Gosselin, but with a better hair style.

Where were the Thanksgiving decorations you ask? Do you really have to ask? Somehow, inflatable snowglobes with Pilgrims inside just never really took off. I've never heard any Thankgiving carols, or have seen a movie where Jimmy Stewart is running down the street thanking the world for his turkey. There are no cute little girls or boys sitting in a giant turkey's lap. Is just doesn't happen.
Do you want to know how far that it has fallen? Thanksgiving is stuck with the perennial powerhouse Detroit Lions playing on "turkey" day. On a side note, I once had a friend tell me that if he only had an hour to live he would watch a Detroit Lions game. When I asked him why, he said because an hour of watching them seems like a lifetime.

Halloween and Thanksgiving have become victims of the new, sexy marketing woman down the hall that pledges to "shake things up. " They don't stand a chance.

However, I think that I'm going to get with Mattress Mack and see if we can come up with something.
Don't be surprised next summer when you see a "Halloween in July" waterbed sale. I'm just sayin.......

Panic on the trail....

I've noticed in life that there are a few things that will make you stop dead in your tracks and cause you to panic. Things such as, "Did I remember to turn off the iron? Is that gas I smell?" or the panic of the walk to your mailbox in August when you know that your electric bill just arrived. It's much like I imagine the walk of a condemned inmate would stroll to the death chamber.

On Tuesday night however, I started down the street for what has become my nightly walk. I've decided over the past few days to exercise and get into shape. However, I do consider myself in shape, but somehow a triangle is not acceptable.

Anyway, I turned and started on the walking trail behind our street. As I walked, a lady jogger passed me on the left. I nodded a hello to her and she returned the favor and she continued on. I never really imagined that our paths would cross again.
Up ahead of her a lady was about 100 yards from me coming in our direction. Attached to a leash on her side was a little dog. So small, that I can only assume it ran on batteries. Not a big dog. As the two closed in on each other, they both stopped in a scream.
I thought to myself, "is this woman so afraid of dogs that she actually screamed at that dog??

As I got closer, I looked down and noticed just what it was, that had stopped all time as we know it. There it was, all four feet of the most evil creature that I had ever laid my eyes on.......a snake.

A snake? In our neighborhood? It states right here in our deed restrictions "No snakes!" It's like I told Suzanne(my beautiful trophy wife) when we moved in. "I know that our homeowners fees are expensive, but look.....no snakes!"

Both ladies looked at me. I guess they thought that I had some kind of answer. All of those days back in cub scouts, I never actually thought that I would see a snake. I don't remember a merit badge that had anything to do with wrestling a snake. In fact, if there was a badge called "Run like a little girl from a snake" badge I'm sure that I would of had several.

So there I was. I could either run home screaming(as I wanted to do), or I could show my bravery and shield these helpless women folk from this monster.
Then, all of a sudden, the five year old inside of me took over and said, "let's just mess with it."
I thought that maybe if I picked up a rock and threw it at it, it would slither away into the woods, and I'm sure, that they would award me some type of bravery medal.

So I picked a rock, took careful aim, and launched it. I managed to bounce the rock about a half a foot to the left of the snake. It raised its head and looked right at me as if to say, "Hey man, what is your problem? Did you just throw a rock at me?

Now, I've seen many episodes of the Crocodile Hunter. I know that if I was Steve Irwin, I would run up to the snake's tail, grab it, fling it into the air, and then kick it right off into the woods.
But guess what? I'm not Steve Irwin.

I picked up another rock, and managed to hit it right on the tail. Once again, it looked at me. But this time, it slithered off into the grass slowly. Almost as if it was saying "OK, I get it, I get it......"

Yes, that's right, I saved the day. What did I get for my heroic action, you ask? Accolades, an citation from the Mayor? A tearful thank you from those affected? No, everyone just turned and went on about their business.
I, on the otherhand, went home and put on a fresh pair of undies.

Now I don't exactly know my types of snakes, and I don't really care to, either. But, when I recall this story later on to my children, I actually think that it may have been a King Cobra.

How much do I need.....

There it was. Right there on the computer screen. Suzanne had alerted me to it. Staring right back at us on the credit card website were several unauthorized charges.
Unless Suzanne had snuck out one night to go fill the minivan up with gas, twice, in Round Rock, I knew that someone had stolen her credit card number.

After we called and canceled her card, I remembered an advertisement that I had heard for one of those identity theft insurance companies. The next day I signed up. I hate to spend money, so I went with the economy plan. It's actually a guy named Chuck who works in the back of a massage parlor. You just give him your social security number, checking account numbers, birthday, passport, etc. and he takes care of the rest.

Then I started thinking. We now seem to have an insurance policy for everything. We have health insurance, life insurance, home owners insurance, car insurance, and dental insurance, just to name a few.

In addition, because we need more insurance, Suzanne and I have insurance on our computers, just in case that they die and we need to retrieve all of the files that can't be lost. The other day, I was talked into cell phone insurance, because my phone could be lost some day and I would lose all of my contacts that are located in it.

Did I mention the home warranty(insurance) that I have on all of the major appliances in our home? You don't want to pay full retail for an AC unit, or a broken toilet.

Then there is the commercial on tv for supplemental insurance. I think that I might have to invest in some of that even though I don't quite know what it is. All I know is that it comes with a talking duck that seems to pay the bills.
Am I going to have to insure the duck as well? Veterinarian bills aren't cheap you know.

What else can I get insurance on? How about the "Don't say anything stupid to your wife" insurance? This would insure that I would never spend a night on the sofa. There is also room in the policy to submit birthdays, anniversaries, etc. to keep you out of trouble. Of course, that would be an add on charge.

Similar to that, is the "Foot in your mouth" insurance. Much the same as the above insurance, except that this would apply to friends and family. Never again would you be at a family outing, or a friend's party and shout out something that quiets the room, and embarrasses your wife.

Another idea I have is "hair insurance." Every day I look in the mirror, and I find that my troops have retreated just a little more. They're fighting an admirable battle, but they just can't hold their ground. For just a little money each month, I could keep a full head of thick, lustrous hair.

These are just a few ideas that I have. Because it seems, with every great idea and innovation, five minutes behind is a guy wanting to offer you some way to prevent disaster.

Just like when the caveman invented the wheel. He was showing if off to the neighbors when it rolled down the hill, crashed into a tree, and busted into tiny fragments. Once he realized the replacement cost for another wheel, the first insurance policy was born.

I'd Like to Have a Few Words with your kids....

Yesterday morning as I was getting dressed and ready for work, my wife Suzanne came into the bathroom and asked me a question. "What is this thing about Obama having a speech at school?"

Normally, she has confidence in knowing that I have the answer. This time, she was wrong. I hadn't heard anything about it.
As I made my way through the garage and put my coffee in the drink holder, I started the car and the first few voices came over the radio. From the concerned and upset callers to the radio station, you would have thought that Orson Welles had just informed us that the Martians were landing.

Then, as the day progressed and I had time to absorb the constant talk radio that I listen to every day, and I listened to angry parents and radio show callers, I began to understand the frustration.

Imagine, if by chance, your boss sent you a letter. In the letter, it stated that he was going to come by the house next week for a visit. Also, in the letter he wanted you to gather the children because his focus was on them and he wanted to speak directly to the kids.

In addition, to keep you from worrying, he was only going to talk to them about working hard, maintaining goals, and mostly, how to be successful. Oh, and by the way, how could your children help their dad's company and also their boss?
Maybe call him or email him if your dad has anything bad to say about the company, or if, on Friday for example, he stops working a little early. After all, don't we all just want to help the company?

What could be wrong with just a little friendly advice, or motivation? Where is the harm in that?

Today, I have had several friends ask me why I didn't want the President to speak to my kids. I mean, after all, he is the President and they should look up to him.

My answer to that would be, that if the President has anything to say, say it to me. Leave my children out of it. Suzanne and I have it handled here., or at least we think that we do. Sure, we have to remind Lindy not to write on Garrison's forehead, but that is another story for another time. We are trying to raise good, law abiding, God fearing children.

We elect our Presidents to help keep our country safe from all enemies foreign and domestic, and to stay within the bounds of the Constitution(yea, right). Not to write about what they can do to help him. If he needs advice from my five year old on a domestic agenda, we have bigger problems folks.

So Mr. Obama, the school bell does not ring for thee......

Welcome to my world

Thanks to the encouragement of my wife, I have decided to start this blog. I have always enjoyed writing, but now I have an outlet for my "random thoughts." I also think that she has grown tired of me walking around the house and telling her that I am bored. So I hope that you enjoy these entries because, what is the point of writing, if no one is willing to read it. So let's get started.

My first blog entry is going to center around our oldest daughter Lindy. I'm not sure that I can call her old, due to the fact that she is only 5.

But she is old enough, however to start school. Last Monday was her first day of kindergarten. I had always heard that it was a tough day for parents, but I never really understood why.
So last Monday, we had her backpack ready, her lunch made, and we all loaded the car and started to school. As we got closer, we noticed all of the other neighborhood kids riding to school as well.

When we arrived, I opened her door and let her out. She and Suzanne(my beautiful trophy wife), then disappeared into a sea of kids.

At that moment, a sea of emotion came over me. Was this the emotional side of things that I was waiting for? Was this what I had heard about? In that moment, her whole little life flashed in front of me.
From my wife and I getting her dressed for the first time in the hospital, to her taking her first steps, and learning her first word.

So here she was, taking a huge step that we thought that we were ready for.

Maybe part of the emotions that we go through is realizing that from now on, every September brings around another school year, and gets us closer to the time when we will take her to college and she will be living on her own.
Ugh. Also there is high school, teenage years, boyfriends, homecomings, proms, and on..and on....
So goodbye Lindy. Have a great day at school, and yes, I do have something in my eyes.