Why do I watch these shows??

The temptation starts around 8:00 on Tuesday nights. I know in the back of my mind I should avoid it, but still that little voice in the back of my head tells me that it is no big deal. Nothing will happen. After all, it's just a tv show. Do I dare watch? Will my wife find out?
What do I do? So many questions.

What show would it be, you might be asking yourself. An adult movie perhaps? No, not quite. It's a little show that comes on Tuesday nights on Discovery channel called "Ghost Lab."

Ghost Lab follows two brothers from San Antonio, across the country in their pursuit of "paranormal activity." That's just a fancy word for things that go bump in the night. We're not talking about those cute little ghosts that you would draw in the first grade around this time of year, or the Halloween costume that required you to cut out holes in your mother's good sheets either. No, we're talking the ones that suffered through big time trauma in this life, and they keep repeating it in the hereafter. You know, lighthearted things like murder, suicide, torture, etc.

After the first five minutes of the show, I know that I should be reaching for the remote, but something keeps drawing me in. Maybe it's the promo. that basically says, "When we come back, we're really going to show you something scary!" It's at that moment that the little voice inside of me says, "Ok, if you don't turn it off now, you're on your own, I'm done."
But there I sit, waiting for the show to come back from commercials.

Sure enough, after the commercials, the investigative team goes into the house or building and sets up all of their cameras, monitors, recorders, etc., and then the fun begins.
They wait for darkness, and then go into the rooms where "activity" has been known to exist and break, what I think, is the number one rule of dealing with ghosts. They start to provoke the entity. They say things like "You're not so tough! Why don't you do something to let us know that you are here. Touch me. Is that all you got?"

Now, I watched a lot of Scooby Doo when I was a kid, so I learned a few things from that show. Number one: Always run from ghosts, and number two: It's always some old man behind a curtain scaring it all up.
But in this show, it all seems real.

For example, last week they traveled to New Orleans to visit a funeral home that was closed some years ago, but has a haunted history, and also was a refuge for some during hurricane Katrina. Allegedly, a young woman named Sara, had found shelter there during the storm, and had overdosed on heroin. And, wouldn't you know, her spirit is still in that room.
The ghost seekers then went in late that night and talked to Sara until they got a reaction from her. They were not very nice to her, and if I were there at the time, I would have been able to run all of the way from New Orleans to Houston in under twenty minutes.

The next part of the show is back in the lab and they put all of the evidence together. It can sometimes be a hazy picture of the spirit, or what is even scarier, are voices on tape. I don't know what it is about those voices, but at that point, I'm paralyzed with fear. A few moments later, the show ends, and oh yea, now it is time to go to bed.

Now to answer the question from the top of why I don't want my wife to find out that I am watching this show. That's an easy answer. Because she knows that I won't be able to sleep. That night, I will hear every creak, and every sound in the house. I never knew that the sound of the ice maker dropping ice could make me sit up straight in bed. And if one of the kids cries in the middle of the night, every light in our house will be turned on. In fact, at the end of the month, my electric company sends me a note reminding me that Ghost Lab is all new this week.

Once I was so scared, that my five year old daughter Lindy, had to come downstairs and convince me that there wasn't a monster under our bed. She then kissed me on the forehead and told me that everything was alright, and that if I needed her, she would be right upstairs.

However, at times like these I think about something that a preacher said to me long ago. He said that he doesn't think that Heaven is some far off place above the clouds. He believes that Heaven is all around us, and that those who have gone before us are by our side helping us and cheering us on. That's a beautiful thought and also very reassuring.
But I have to say, that if you are one of my friends or relatives that have passed away, please don't make an appearance, you'll scare me to death!

Thanksgiving Needs Better Marketing

Most kids like to go to Disney World, Six Flags, Water world, or possibly Sea World for entertainment. Our kids, however, are a little different. They like to visit the local neighborhood Lowe's.
Last Saturday as it became apparent that I was not going to be able to continue to sit in front of the television and watch endless hours of Whatever U. vs Whatever U. football game was on, we had to do something. The kids were playing their favorite game of "Let's throw random things down the stairs," and it was just time to go.....somewhere.

We had already decided to take the family out to dinner, but since it was only 3:30, Suzanne my beautiful wife, and I knew that sitting in a restaurant that long with three kids is just not a good idea.

Here's a random question: Parents, have you ever just put your kids in the car, backed out of the driveway, and then decided where you were going to go? Well, we did just that.
I knew that I needed a couple of things from Lowe's for the yard, so guess what? Off to Lowe's we went.

Once inside, we discovered a magical, virtual winter wonderland. The entire front section of the store were made of Snowmen, elves, and reindeer. They even had Santa floating in an inflatable helicopter. Apparently, times are good enough at the North Pole that he could upgrade his mode of transportation.
Why, they have even captured the site of our saviors birth, in an inflatable. Somehow, I never before imagined Jesus with an air inlet attached to his big toe, but hey, this is marketing.

That however, was not the show stopper for the Millender family. The best of all, were the giant inflatable M&M's that were next to it. And then I remembered the Bible verse of "from out of the West came the three wise men, bearing gifts of Gold, Frankensense, and peanut M&M's."

In the midst of this Christmas extravaganza and off to the side, were the two left over Halloween decorations. One life size scary witch, and one giant ghost. As I looked closer, I could swear the old witch had a tear in her eye. Although it was only the first week in October, it was apparent that her 15 minutes of fame were up, but she just kept hanging on. Much like Kate Gosselin, but with a better hair style.

Where were the Thanksgiving decorations you ask? Do you really have to ask? Somehow, inflatable snowglobes with Pilgrims inside just never really took off. I've never heard any Thankgiving carols, or have seen a movie where Jimmy Stewart is running down the street thanking the world for his turkey. There are no cute little girls or boys sitting in a giant turkey's lap. Is just doesn't happen.
Do you want to know how far that it has fallen? Thanksgiving is stuck with the perennial powerhouse Detroit Lions playing on "turkey" day. On a side note, I once had a friend tell me that if he only had an hour to live he would watch a Detroit Lions game. When I asked him why, he said because an hour of watching them seems like a lifetime.

Halloween and Thanksgiving have become victims of the new, sexy marketing woman down the hall that pledges to "shake things up. " They don't stand a chance.

However, I think that I'm going to get with Mattress Mack and see if we can come up with something.
Don't be surprised next summer when you see a "Halloween in July" waterbed sale. I'm just sayin.......